A topic which is not so talked about.

     It is said that "Self-help is the best help." Is it true, and if it is true then what does this phrase actually mean and why is it said so? Self-help, self-care, and self-love aren't these words very oriented to me and only me but are they really? What do we mean by self-help? If a person makes himself/herself a priority is it selfishness? There are so many such questions coming into the minds of some people. 

          Words... the most powerful weapon/ double-edged sword present in the world. The way we use them is the most important thing that we should all take care of. In the book "The Four Agreements" written by Don Miguel Ruiz, the very first agreement is- Be impeccable with your word.

     Now, what does that mean? Let me tell you a short story.

         There was a girl who was one of the best dancers in her class she had given various stage performances, but during her school dance program unfortunately due to some reason she fell while performing consequently for 2 years and both the time the reason was different. Based on those two small incidences, one of her teachers said that the girl shouldn't perform dance because whenever she performs she will fall. But after that incident, she gave many best performances on the way better platforms but before going on stage she always used to think that whenever she will perform she will fall, and as a result even if she loves to perform she was afraid to perform on stage and usually avoids performing in front of others. Due to those words, the confidence which that girl had in herself is lost. Why did this happen? Was the impact of that one negative comment so strong that even after years she is still afraid of falling and being judged?  Just think what would be the situation if that teacher had said, dear even if you fell you just didn't give up you stood and completed the performance, practice more and you will make it one day. 

        Self-doubt... I think it's the worst injustice we do with ourselves. In this injustice, we do various things which are so different than our original nature. Self-doubt leads to fear, fear leads to lies and anger, and it further leads to..... various other complications. To be clear it affects all planes of our health which are stated by WHO in its definition of health. Now you will say how, and what is its reason.  Let's know this by another incidence.

        A 13-year-old child who was just as active as any other peer of their age was suddenly hospitalized for nearly a month. That incident changed many things in that child's life. The medicines which the child took for becoming strong and healthy again had some side effects that changed many things in school life for the child. But the child strongly faced all those changes and created a special place for himself. Things gradually got better and the child's parents and the doctor who treated the child felt proud of him but... If all the things always go the way we think it's not life right. The twist here is that child had a friend whom he trusted very much, reason... better not to be mentioned. That friend of the child always used to convince that child all the other people around just tease him and only he is there as his best friend of the child and the child eventually believed as due to his condition he usually would take leave from school and that friend never left him alone with his other peers. The child started blindly trusting that friend of his. But later on, things changed as that friend started to tell that child that you look just like a balloon and it's not good to look like this at your age ok these were not the actual words. The words were "Do you know why people don't talk with you because you look like a balloon, you are arrogant and not likable at all and they just butter you up face to face." but guess what all those words were not true it was the insecurity of that friend which was speaking. But the effect of those words was very much toxic for that child. The child started to self-doubt it was like a slow poison for the dreams of that child, the confidence that the child had in himself was lost, as he had rejected to accept the original him, the unique him. The consequence where he started to think that if his medications will stop the people around him will accept him so he started to ask the doctor when will the medications stop. He gradually thought that to be accepted he should be the same as the other people around him but the problem was that he never mixed with  people around him wholeheartedly,  rather he was shy to mix or say afraid of being not accepted, but it was just a fake belief which was inserted in his mind by his friend and few bad experiences in the child's life made the belief more strong. The child in his fake belief took a very weird and drastic step which lead to the sudden downfall of that child which lead to the child starting everything from the start. But the most important thing which the child lost due to his self-doubt was the trust which the child's role model who was the reason for the child's dream had lost his trust in that child. After much thinking about the reason for self-doubt, the child decided to accept himself the way he is. Immediately after accepting himself the way he was, he got the purpose of his dream but he had lost the trust of the person who was the reason for the inspiration of his dream. He also made the people around him worried unnecessarily. This guilt will always be there with that child. 

I wonder what if the child had ignored that one negative comment, then maybe things would have been different and far much better than now. But to think more about it through this whole incident the child learned the most important lesson of his life. The child learned to accept himself as he is, and also learned that the way we treat ourselves is the way we treat people around us. If we have trust in ourselves then we will also motivate others to have faith in their actions. Whatever positive changes we expect around us then the start should be from within ourselves. Whatever happens in our life, there is a purpose behind it. We should believe that whatever the situation we are facing reason is that we are capable to tackle them and hence we. 

      If we respect ourselves, we have faith in our decisions and our deeds then we will not have any kind of fear to make a correct decision in any kind of situation, and along with it we will also be in the position to do justice to ourselves and others. Self-love means to have trust in oneself, to have respect regarding what we think of ourselves, to take of ourselves, to be grateful for what we have, and the most important thing is to accept the fact that whatever the past is, it cannot be changed but what we can do further is in our hands. The biggest self-help we can do is to filter the thoughts before it enters the fertile soil of our brain because the seeds (thoughts) which we sow in this fertile soil are the tree (behavior/nature) that nurtures within ourselves. We all have experienced many times that being around some people or just thinking about them makes us feel good, have we ever thought why? Maybe yes, maybe no...

        To give advice is actually an easy thing but actually doing what is advised to do is actually difficult. To practice self-love requires a great amount of patience, consistency, and self-motivation from within which is the toughest task but as it is said the most difficult task is assigned to only those who can perform that just like every gold has to tolerate high degrees of temperatures before turning into a beautiful ornament, every person has to undergo some examination of life to enhance themselves and transform into a better human being. We just need to change our perception, learn to be calm, keep patience and have faith in our deeds, things will automatically happen. There will be times when we will break, do stupid things, make mistakes, and what not but the only way is to believe that nothing is permanent and the change happens when we take responsibility for our own deeds. It is just that never give up and never stop gaining experience and learning from that.

      Well it was just different format compared to my other blogs but today I just felt to do something different from usual so here it is...

   But again What is Self-love or Self-help?... According to you please share your opinion. 

          "Stay Healthy, Stay Safe, Stay Motivated and Enjoy the Nature."